I was almost rich…for about five minutes!

Hello everyone!  I hope you’re all having a nice transition from summer into the cooler days of fall.  I’m not a big fan of looking outside at 6:30 and seeing dark skies already, but there’s not much I can do about that.  However, I have no issue with sucking down caramel apples like they’re going out of style!

Today’s topic is the exciting story of how I was almost rich for about five minutes.  As you may or may not be aware, my husband and I like to go to estate sales (bigger and better than rummage sales…usually it’s a whole house of treasures for sale) and we hunt for cheap items that might be worth big money.

Don’t scoff at me!  While it’s true I’ve never uncovered any gold bars hidden under the bed, I have made some decent discoveries.  I found a vintage jumper for $1 that I sold for $50 on Ebay.  We’ve sold vintage belt buckles, wolf statues, books, shoes, and much, much more.

Let’s back up to the part where I said I sold books.  No, I’m not talking about antique first edition tales from the 1800s.  I have NO idea what any of that is worth.  But I’v e sold popular series by authors whose names you would know.  (Stephen King, James Patterson, etc).  Unfortunately, my husband assumes I know a lot about the author world since I started writing romantic comedies in 2016.  I hate to let him down, so I might pretend to know more than I do.   Such is the case with the awesomely fantastic book I found last weekend.

It’s my husband’s job to find the estate sales in the newspaper and on Craigslist…and it’s my duty to carry my phone and search the Ebay app for all the crap he finds in the houses that he deems ‘priceless.’  Most of it normally comes up in a search as being sold for $2.83 so I make him pass and PUT THE ITEM BACK.  We usually separate to scour the house in a kind of ‘divide and conquer’ method.  This is what led me to a box of books in a room that appeared to be an office.  A few ‘Harry Potter’ books immediately caught my eye.  Yes, I’ve read the series, watched bits and pieces from some of the movies, and gone on the rides at Universal Studios.  Yes, I’ve had a butterbeer (regular AND frozen.  I got brain freeze.  But I digress.).  I was not interested in the Potter books for myself, though.  My stepson (he’s 24) is a diehard Potter freak.  He’s read every book a zillion times and owns every movie on DVD.  He’s a teacher who lends the books to his students, and he told me to snap them up if I can get a bargain because sometimes his books vanish and don’t return.  No problem!  I’m all about helping kids get books, right?  Absolutely!

So I grabbed two Potter paperbacks (Books 3 and 4, which is totally irrelevant but I’m telling you anyway) and then I saw something that took my breath away.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone.

Do you know what that is?  I did.

When J.K. Rowling released her first Harry Potter book in the UK, it was called ‘Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone.’  The name was changed to ‘Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone’ when it came to America.  I immediately knew three things:  this book is rare, it could be worth $$$, and my stepson will kill me if I do not purchase this.


I grabbed that book and held it tightly to my chest like it was lost treasure from the City of Atlantis.  I sandwiched it between the other two Potter books and clung to them like I was drowning at sea and they were my life preserver.

I ran to find my husband and said, “We have to go NOW!”

For some reason, I was paranoid that the people running the sale would discover my treasure, rip it out of my hand, and say, “No way, honey!  That’s not for sale!”

We managed to pay and I calmly walked to the car and immediately called my stepson.  This is our unedited conversation:

Me:  You are not going to believe this!

Him:  Hmm?  I’m asleep.  (It was nine in the morning on a Saturday)

Me:  Wake the hell up!  You are not going to BELIEVE THIS!

Him:  Hmm?  What’s the matter?

Me:  You know how you told me to always get Harry Potter books?  I’m at an estate sale and guess what I just got?

Him:  A Harry Potter book?

Me:  Yes…I found a book…maybe you’ve heard of it?  Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone?


Me:  I already did.  I’m in the car with it.  It was fifty cents.


Me:  Bloomsbury press, UK, 1997, Joanne Rowling.

Him:  HOLY SHIT!  What if it’s a first edition?  Those sell for dollar amounts in the FIVE FIGURES!

Me:  Okay…I’ll take a pic and text you the inside copyright page.

We freaked out back and forth on the phone for a good ten minutes before his research yielded some results.  Yes, the book goes for five figures if it’s a limited first edition hard cover from a certain date.  If it’s a paperback with a typo on page 58, they go for the low three figure dollar amounts.  He was still convinced it was worth about a hundred bucks since it was an early printing.

I got home and really checked Ebay.  There was an earlier printing selling for approximately $7.84, not including shipping.

So…yeah.  Not getting rich that way.  But it was sure as hell exciting for about ten minutes.

In case you were wondering…yes, I had to give the book to my stepson, no, he’s NOT selling it, and yes, we’re very easily excited in my family.

There you have it folks, another day in the life of Grace Risata.

If you’re looking for something ELSE to read (besides my story of heartbreak involving riches cruelly taken from me), you might be interested in my newest release, Teaching the Dom…currently priced at only 99 cents on Amazon:


If you’re looking for something FREE to read, you might want to check out my short story, My Dirty Bet, on Amazon:


If you’re looking for something batshit crazy to pre-order, you might want to check out my friend’s new release that goes live on Friday:  The Cock in Me by Julian Napier.  It’s hilarious and highly recommended.  I’m not saying that because he’s a nice guy, I’m telling you it’s definitely worth a read.  I laughed my ass off.


If you’re looking for something FREE and NOT batshit crazy, you might want to check out this story:


That’s all I have for today!  Have a great weekend everyone!

Until next time….



‘What if?’ questions…

Hello, everyone!  Today I have nothing going on in my life, so I will answer a question that is often asked of authors:  “Where do you come up with story ideas?”

That is a very good question, so I’ll tell you where my inspiration comes from.  Please be advised that no one has ever actually asked me any author questions (probably because no one has ever heard of me since I’m not very well-known at all).  However, that doesn’t stop me from pretending that I’m famous, so just indulge me this one time.

Ahem.  I think we can turn this into a whole interview-type conversation.


Person on the other end of the phone:  Hello, Ms. Risata!  I’d like to ask you a few questions if you don’t mind.  How ARE you today?

Grace Risata:  I’m fine, thank you for asking, but I need to let you know that I’m a very busy author.  Could we please hurry this along?  I have several more stops on my publicity tour and you’re wasting my valuable time.

Phone Person:  Really?

Grace:  No, of course not.  My Labrador retriever is nudging me with her nose and sticking her new green squeaky ball in my lap, and she’s going to have an epic tantrum if I don’t take her outside pretty soon.  She can be rather needy at times.  She also likes to drop the ball UNDER my car so I have to get on my hands and knees and dig it out.  See…I’m more of a ‘dog personal assistant’ than I am an author.  I just go where the money’s at.

Phone Person:  Okay…I wasn’t aware there was money in being the personal assistant of a dog…?

Grace:  I was kidding.  Can we get back to your original question?  I believe you asked where I get the inspiration for my stories?

Phone Person:  I don’t remember asking that, but whatever.  I was actually calling to ask about your satisfaction with the direction the country is currently heading and to find out—

Grace:  I’m sure that’s an awesome question, too, but not the one I care to answer today.  Let me tell you how I get the inspiration for my books.  We’ll talk about ‘Ungranted Wishes,’  ‘Nights in the Fast Lane,’ and ‘Mowed.’

Phone Person:  Those are some very creative titles, however I’m being paid by the survey company to get your opinions on—

Grace:  I have a lot of opinions!  I also have a lot of story ideas.  Let’s start with ‘Mowed.’  This book is a humorous erotica tale.  I was out mowing the lawn and I happened to glance at the house across the street.  I wondered to myself…’what if someone is watching me?’ and that’s how the story came to life.  I added some characters, some sex, and some humor…bam…stir them all together and you have a good idea.

Phone Person:  Wait, what?  You turned the act of cutting the grass into porn?

Grace:  Yes, ma’am.  Aren’t you supposed to be asking me my opinions on—

Phone Person:  That can wait.  Tell me more about these stories you write.  What else have you got besides lawn mower porn?

Grace:  I have ‘Ungranted Wishes.’  That’s a humorous erotic tale with a genie who grants wishes.  I got pretty creative with the naughty scenes.  That also started out with a ‘what if?’ question.  See…I was having a bad day at work and hating the customers and I thought to myself, ‘what if I had my own personal genie and I could call all the shots?’ and then the story came to life.  I added some characters, some sex, and some humor…bam…stir them all together and you have a good idea.

Phone person:  Sounds cool.  Genies could be hot.  What kind of porn scenes did you have in there?  I’m not asking for any particular reason.  It’s not like my boyfriend couldn’t find my g-spot if he had a map and a giant X MARKS THE SPOT printed on it or anything.

Grace:  There was a good sex scene with pop rocks candy.  I like to write food sex scenes.  One of my favorites was a scene involving Doritos.

Phone Person:  Shut the hell up!  You used Doritos in a SEX scene?  What book is that?

Grace:  That’s in ‘Nights in the Fast Lane’ which, coincidentally, also started out with a ‘what if?’ question.  I was outside playing in the snow with my dog and I got a story idea.  What if a girl met a hot unattainable dude and they somehow got stuck in her house for a snowstorm?  Could she charm him?  What would happen?  The story came to life after I added some characters, some humor, some sexy scenes…and BAM…stir them all together and I had a good idea.

Phone Person:  Wow.  Your story ideas sound really original and unique.  I hate to be rude but I have to end this call now.  Thank you for your time!

Grace:  Don’t you have to ask me about my opinion on the state of our country?

Phone Person:  Nah, maybe some other time.  I think right now I have to go buy some books…some books with ‘what if’ questions and food sex scenes!


Well, that was fun.  I like to interview myself, in case that fact isn’t totally obvious.

Okay….now we’re on to the FREE part of the newsletter.  I have not one but TWO promos for you lucky readers!

Promo #1:

Fall For Romance FREE book Event!

fall for romance

Looking for your next hot read? We’ve got a dozen sizzling romances to warm you up this fall. And the best part is…They’re all FREE! Click the link to download your free romances directly from Amazon 🙂  That’s right….NO NEWSLETTERS TO SIGN UP FOR…just directly FREE on Amazon!!!  Please note:  these are only free for TWO DAYS:  Sept 28-29!


Please make sure that the books are FREE when you click them!  Amazon can be difficult about making them free sometimes!  I also think Liz Meldon’s book is only free on Sept 29.  (I absolutely snagged SCRUMptious because it looked good!)

Promo #2:

High Heat Romance Giveaway

high heat promo

Do you love super steamy romance and erotica?  If so, check out these hot stories that include dominant heroes, billionaires, bad boys, werewolves, and more!  These are all FREE on Instafreebie!


I got ‘Ten inch Tom: The day after‘ and ‘Curvy Persuasion.’


There you have it folks….load up your kindle with those freebies and have a great day!  Til next time….



Happy News…and free stuff!

Hello, everyone!  I’m very happy to report that I had no dramatic incident of klutziness for the entire week, and therefore have no tales of woe to share.   Believe me, no one is more relieved about that statement than I am.  My dog possible got stung by a wasp, but she managed to recover after getting a giant dog cookie and a hug.  (She came running up to me like her butt was on fire and I saw the wasp clinging to her leg and immediately flicked it off and squished it, so I can’t be 100% sure that she was stung.  Obviously she ran to the door to the house to go inside because she’s a giant 58 pound wimp.  That’s my baby!)

Since I have nothing exciting to discuss this week, I’d like to take the opportunity to help you load up your kindle for the price of ABSOLUTELY FREE!  What am I talking about?  I’m part of a promotion on Instafreebie called Love Me Naked, Read Me Naked and there are 87 free books to download.  And with a name like ‘Love Me Naked, Read Me Naked,’ you can virtually guarantee these stories are H-O-T.

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Since I’m a reader as well as a writer, of course I had to check out the stories to see what was offered.  There appears to be billionaires, virgins, shifters, and lots of men with sexy abs on the covers.  I see some ménage stories, something with a marine, and a few paranormal tales also.  Some of these are samples, but I think some of them are entire stories.    If you see one cover with a moon and a unicorn, you’ll probably wonder, “What the fuck is that?”   Yes, that one is mine!  The cover totally stands out as not belonging with all the hot as fuck dudes and gorgeous ladies, but I tend to roll a little bit differently than your average writer.

I’ve only read ONE of these stories (Diner Delight by April Fire – it was well worth my time!), but I’ve actually downloaded more because they intrigue me.  If you click on the book cover, it will tell you what the story is about before you download it.  I got ‘Sophie and the Cowboy,’ ‘Six Floors to the Top,’ ‘Dark Matter,’ and ‘The Dare.’

So please feel free to download to your heart’s content and get to reading.  If you snatch up something AMAZING and it’s one that wasn’t on my list, let me know what I’m missing!

The promotion runs from September 21 to October 3rd, so get them while they’re HOT.  Also please share the link with any of your friends that would enjoy a steamy free read!

And….if you have better luck than I do and want to enter for a chance to win a Kindle Fire…check out this site:


Book Doggy is a new website with free and cheap books AND they give away pretty decent prizes every month.  Why not enter?  Someone has to win, right?  Might as well be you!

That’s all I have for today, people.  Have a great weekend and be careful!


I am a klutzy magnet for disaster…

Have I got a story for you!  This is honestly so embarrassing that I should probably save it for a future book, but I’m very impatient so I’ll share it instead.  Please be warned that this is a LONG story (because I’m long winded) so you might want to grab some popcorn and make yourself comfortable.  Also, this is all 100% absolutely TRUE.  I could not make this shit up if I tried.  Basically, I did something insanely idiotic and gave myself a concussion.

Once upon a time (last Sunday, September 10) it was a lovely day so I decided to take my dog for a walk to my mom’s house a few blocks away.  My mom has a fenced-in yard so my dog can play ball and run until she tires herself out.  My husband was away at a scuba diving training class, my mom was gone on a trip to the casino, and it was just me and my Labrador Retriever having some bonding time.

So…even though I’m forty-one years old, I’m still a kid at heart and like to amuse myself.  When it was time to leave my mom’s house, I had the genius fucking idea (pardon my language) that I would press the garage door button and run…jumping over the sensor and making a wild escape like I was Indiana Jones.  (Remember in the Indiana Jones movie where Harrison Ford has to sneak under the stone wall as it comes down and then he grabs his hat right before the wall slams down?  Yeah…that was my intention)

Let me also explain that my mom’s garage has no exit door (so it’s not like I can shut the garage door and then leave through a side door), but let me also explain that her garage DOES have a keypad outside the garage door (so any sane, rational person in their right mind would just go outside the garage, press the keypad, and go on about their merry life.)

Instead of behaving with a lick of common sense, I pressed the garage door button, ran, and jumped over the invisible sensor.  Any guesses as to how that turned out for me?


I jumped like a fucking ballerina, hit my head on the garage door as it was coming down, and one thought entered my head…

“I’m not going to make it.”

The next thing I know, I’m laying on the concrete garage floor having NO CLUE as to how I got there.  Most importantly, I have NO control over my hands and my arms are tingling.  This scared the living SHIT out of me.

“Oh my God, I’m dying.  Please, God, don’t let me die like this…it’s so embarrassing!  I should have KNOWN better.”

I flailed my arms for a few panicked seconds until I could move them.  I somehow knew I needed to move my arms so I could check on my head.  That’s right…a three inch long goose-egg bump was forming on the back of my head where I landed on the garage floor.  I also noticed some scrapes and a tiny little gash on both of my elbows where they hit the garage floor.

I slowly sat up, felt queasy, and realized that I probably had a concussion.  A totally avoidable concussion that should never have happened in the first place if I had behaved like a sane, rational human-being instead of pretending I was Indiana Fucking Jones and the Garage Door of Doom.

So I had NO cell phone (I don’t carry it with me…another stupid move) and even if I had it, there was NO ONE TO CALL.  My husband was at the bottom of a pool taking scuba diving lessons and my mom was at the casino hours away.  This left me to stumble over to the nearest house:  my mom’s 95 year old neighbor.  Do you think I’m making this shit up?  I assure you, my friends, I am not.  The lady is 95 years old and sharp as a tack.  I rang her door bell and begged her to take me to the hospital.  She took one look at me and told me to get into her car.

This was no easy feat.  I got up off her patio chair and attempted to make it to her car.  My vision went BLACK and I would have passed out had I not managed to lean against her car and slowly slide my way down to a sitting position on the floor.

By some miracle, we made it to the emergency room and the poor 95 year old lady had to get a wheelchair and wheel my sorry ass into the hospital.  My shame level was about a 42 on a scale of 1 to 10 at this point.

So we waited in the ER for it to be my turn.  I’m panicking that my husband doesn’t know where I am, so I begged my mom’s neighbor to call him.  Obviously there was no one home, so she started to leave a message on the answering machine.

“I just wanted you to know that your wife is in the emergency room with a probable concussion because she hit her head…”

If I received that message on my answering machine, I would freak the fuck out.  So I screamed in the background, “I’M NOT DEAD!” just to put his mind at ease.  (Yes, I listened to the message when I got home and my voice could clearly be heard shouting, “I’M NOT DEAD!”)  Even in a state of shock from my concussion, I was thinking of others.  Such a nice lady I am!

Yada, yada, yada…I had to wait a full THIRTY MINUTES before anyone even looked at my head, which really pissed me off.  Someone finally got a hold of my husband and he raced to the hospital, arriving in his swimsuit just moments before they led me off to have a CATSCAN.  CT SCAN?  Not sure what it’s called.

I was very excited to have the brain scan.  No, not for the reason you might think.  While it would be a giant relief to know that I had no swelling or bleeding of the brain and no skull fracture, I was more interested in what the results of the scan would show, since I’ve never had one.  What if I had twice the amount of brains as normal people?  What if I only had half as much?  What if I was a super genius with a miracle brain that had NEVER been seen before?  What if I was an ALIEN or had some latent superpower?

You can imagine my relief when the nurse returned to tell me that my brain scan was fine and I could leave.  Yes, it’s nice to know that I only had a mild concussion and had to take it easy for a while, but it was extremely disappointing to learn that I had no advanced alien brain or anything out of the ordinary.  Yes, I like to read too many books and watch too many movies and think that I’m superhuman.  I’m going to pretend that my supernatural powers knew they would be discovered on the brain scan and thus decided to cloak themselves, lest I become a lab rat as scientists did multiple tests on me to discover the cause of my awesomely weird brain.

alien brain

Yes, I am batshit crazy.  Why the hell else would I have jumped the garage door like a moron?  Moving right along…

I was sent home with instructions to go easy on my brain so it could heal.  This means no tv, no socializing, nothing athletic, no reading, NO COMPUTER.  WHAT?  What the hell am I supposed to do then?  Go fondle myself in a dark corner?  No thank you!

I did watch tv and talk on the phone to tell my friends the story of “I’m a fucking idiot” and then answer a million questions such as…

“Why didn’t you just use the keypad on the other side of the door?”

“Did you learn your lesson not to do that EVER again?”

…and my personal favorite….this question came from my husband…

“Did you NOT know that your mom’s garage door doesn’t even HAVE a sensor on the bottom?”


So I’ve spent the last week catching up on DVR shows, forcing myself not to lash out at co-workers who keep asking me why I’m wearing gym shoes to work (I work in an office setting and I took off on Monday, but worked the rest of the week), and doing a lot of sleeping.

In case you’re asking yourself, “Why is this weird author lady telling me her sob stories instead of asking me to buy her books?”  please let me answer that question.

I get a shit ton of emails every day from authors and a lot of their newsletters are always, “Hi!  Buy my book!” and that annoys the living piss out of me.  I want my newsletters to hit your inbox and have you think, “Wow…what’s Grace up to now?” because usually it’s something crazy.  Hey, gotta keep life interesting, right?

Now, here’s the part where YOU come in, dear reader of my blog and/or newsletter.   I feel like a complete jackass for my totally avoidable concussion.  So I’d like to ask for a favor.  In order to help me feel better, I’d love to hear YOUR tales of woe.  Do you have any embarrassing stories?  Did you do something completely stupid lately that you absolutely regret?  What’s that old saying….Misery Loves Company.

So if you could find it in your heart and either hit “reply” to this email or “comment” on this blog post with a story for me….I would feel a lot better.

Thank you very much for reading and BE CAREFUL….it’s a dangerous world out there!

Sincerely…INDIANA JONES   Grace Risata

Worst Concert Experience EVER…

As you may or may not be aware, I tend to have bad luck.  Generally, if something CAN go wrong, then it WILL.  Today’s little misadventure focuses on the HORRIBLE concert experience I had last night.  Since this is so fresh in my mind, there will be cuss words…prepare yourself.

So…my husband found an indie band that he loved, watched their videos on Youtube, bought their CDs, and made me listen to them until I had the songs memorized.  I really like their music.  He really likes their music.  He stalked their website, was AMAZED to find they were currently on tour, and coming to a dive bar only ONE AND A HALF HOURS AWAY FROM US.  Life doesn’t get any better than that, right?  Wrong.

We tend to over-prepare for things because we’re sort of batshit crazy.  Well, instead of just showing up at the bar and taking a wild risk that we would just walk right in, my husband had to buy tickets online.  (Cost $20 each).  Heaven forbid there might be a line and we don’t get in after driving 90 miles.  Also, instead of just recklessly showing up with our tickets half an hour before the band went onstage, I had to take the afternoon off work and made sure we arrived WAY TOO EARLY to get a good spot.

Here’s the schedule:  arrive in the town at 5:30, eat a boring hamburger at an overpriced restaurant, arrive at the bar at 6:30.

So we hit the town and everything is right on schedule.  The bar marquis specifically says:  COVER BAND 7:00, MAIN BAND 10:00.  (I refuse to name the bands because I’m too pissed right now.  So we’ll go with Cover Band and Main Band.  Obviously our band was the MAIN BAND.)  I was unaware our band was going on so damn late, but whatever.  It just meant we had more time to kill.  My husband was also surprised.

“Well, I don’t think they’ll go on THAT late,” he said.  “The cover band doesn’t have that many songs!”

So we found a restaurant, ate, and made it back to the bar at 6:30.  No one asked to see our tickets.  The bar was not very crowded.  We were pleased to grab a nice table RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE STAGE.

I looked at my phone…the time said 6:30 and nothing was set up onstage.  So we wait.  At 7pm, the Cover Band rolls in and slowly starts to set up.  They begin to play at 8pm.  One hour late.

No problem, really, since we didn’t go to see them ANYWAY.  I killed time by watching UFC MMA fights on the big screen TV.  Whatever…I like those fights anyway.

So the Cover Band lead singer starts the show by saying, “We’re the band with the good tour bus…cuz we’re the ones that actually showed up tonight!  If anyone has an engine for the MAIN BAND, you might want to go find them and drop it off!  Just kidding, folks!”

I looked at my husband and made a face, he merely shrugged his shoulders.  Why?  Because  “just kidding” means that you’re NOT SERIOUS.

So the Cover Band played a song and then the lead singer said, “Since the other band ain’t coming, you might as well start buying us beers instead, folks!”

AGAIN I looked at my husband, and he just mumbled, “They better fucking be joking.”

When it was time for the THIRD song of the set, the lead singer made ANOTHER flippant comment about the Main Band not showing up and I really started to freak the hell out.  So I went up to the bartender and said, “Are they REALLY not coming?” and she said, “Yeah, their bus broke down THIS MORNING and they’re stuck in the NEXT STATE!”

My eyes grew wide, I marched back to our table, and promptly told my husband, “Clearly I’ve lost all comprehension of the English language, but it sounded strangely like the band is NOT coming.  Go ask a different bartender and make sure this is not some cruel joke!”

He stormed over to the bar, spoke to someone else, and confirmed my story.  Needless to say, we were both LIVID.

1)  The band had NOTHING on their website indicating they would be cancelling the concert.  Obviously they knew WELL IN ADVANCE if their bus broke down THAT MORNING!

2)  The bar had NOTHING on their website, the marquis, or even a simple PAPER PRINTOUT ON THE MOTHERFUCKING DOOR that might explain that the band had cancelled.  Obviously they knew WELL IN ADVANCE if the band called to tell them that their bus broke down THAT MORNING!

3)  NO ONE made any sort of official announcement before the cover band began to play, letting us know that the main band had cancelled.

Are you fucking kidding me?  This is 2017!  We have the internet!  Would it have been so hard to have taken FIVE MINUTES to pop an update on a website somewhere?  Since we’re batshit crazy and overly prepared, my husband checked BOTH websites for any updates about an hour before we left home.

So we walked out of the bar at 8:30 in utter and complete shock, I randomly texted every single person in my cell phone contact list on the drive home with expletive laced rants, and they all replied, “OMG R U Serious?” because no one knows how to text full words anymore.

That is why I have an attitude at the universe today…and also because now I have to try and get my $40 back for the tickets.

I hope you’re all about to have a way better weekend than the way MINE started!  In order to help that along…here’s a promo with about 25 FREE books to download to your kindle.  Happy Reading!


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Cover Reveal and a very UNIQUE opportunity…

Hello everyone! Today’s blog post will focus on the cover reveal for my latest crazy project..and a unique opportunity for each and every one of you.  Without further ado…behold…  “Teaching the Dom.”


Dom Base Pic Fancy Font  Four.png

Would you like to know what it’s about?  Behold…the BLURB….

Going door-to-door and collecting for charity is not the way Melody Lewis planned to spend her day off.  However, her life takes an unexpected turn when she arrives at the last house on the street and meets a most interesting stranger.

Konrad Steele does not like to be interrupted.  Needless to say, he was irate when a persistent visitor kept knocking.  That is…until he saw the beautiful creature waiting on the other side of the door.

Dominant.  Submissive.  Control.  Discipline.  Trust.

Who truly has a position of power?  Sometimes the lines can become blurred when two strong personalities collide.  Not everything is as straightforward as it seems when you’re teaching the Dom.

WARNING: This story contains some very descriptive scenes of a carnal nature between a man and a woman.  This story DOES NOT have abuse, torture, or anything that would cause physical harm.  If you’re looking for a story where the woman calls the man, ‘Daddy,’ and punishment is inflicted with a heavy hand, you will NOT find it here.  However, if you’re intrigued by the idea of a stubborn female, a sex scene involving fruit, and a very tantalizing silver fox…then I’ve got you covered.  Shall we proceed?  Excellent…

Would you like an opportunity to get an ARC (Advanced Reader Copy) of the book?  Behold…the ARC Sign Up Form…

Wait.  You’re not ready for the ARC Sign Up Form just yet.  Why not?  Because a bit of a warning is in order.  Okay, it’s not a warning, per se, but I do need to give you a tiny smidge of background information on my ARC forms in case you’re not familiar with my style.  I don’t do ‘normal’ ARC forms because those bore the living piss out of me.  I tend to go balls to the wall, batshit crazy with my ARC forms.  Why?  Because I like to stand out in the crowd.

So please feel free to sign up for an advanced copy of “Teaching the Dom,” if the blurb sounds like it would interest you, but at the very least, check out my ARC Form and get a good laugh.

Here’s the link:


My book shall be available for purchase sometime in the middle of September.  Don’t worry, I’ll let you know when it goes live!

If you’re looking for something to read RIGHT NOW, then may I suggest a few books that I’m featuring as part of the newsletter swap program?  Please keep in mind that I have read NONE of these, but Jade’s book is on my TBR list!

Book #1) Controlled by Miss Monique…Free on Instafreebie.  Totally sexy cover and it’s FREE!


Book #2) Daywalker’s Stone by Martha Woods…Free on Instafreebie… Looks like a paranormal romance with Vamps and Witches.


Book #3) I Do by Amy Faye…free on Instafreebie.


Book #4) Happily Forever After by Jade Whitfield.  This is a pre-release on Amazon priced at 99 cents.  I read and thoroughly enjoyed the first two books in the series and I can’t wait to check out this newest installment.


Book #5) The Lost Fallen by L C Mortimer.  99 Cents on Amazon.  Fallen Angels!  The description sounds really good…

Serenity cut off her wings to be with the man she loved. Then he died, leaving her alone, leaving her mortal, leaving her human. He died, leaving her without hope, but she found something to keep her going. She found a world she could lose herself in to deal with her pain. She found a world where anything goes as long as you can paint it, as long as you can draw it.

Wrath didn’t want to be cast out of hell, but his mood swings were too much even for the Lord of Darkness himself. When Wrath finds himself stranded on Earth, he has to find a way to deal with both his attitude and his newfound humanity. Someone suggests he sign up for an art class, and Wrath doesn’t have anything to lose.

When he meets the instructor, he immediately recognizes her as a lost fallen. She’s one of the angels who left: one of the angels who walked away from heaven for a chance at something better, a chance at something greater.


There you have it everyone.  A cover reveal, a blurb, an ARC sign up, and some new books to fill your kindle.  Have a great weekend and happy reading!


It’s that time of year again…

This is one of my favorite times of the year!  In case you’re asking yourself, “It’s August, what the heck is she talking about?” then let me explain.

Two words: Fair Food.

I live in the Midwest and our state fairs have some of the wildest food you could ever imagine.  Most of the concoctions sound so delicious, it’s like you’ve died and gone to heaven, while other crazy creations make my stomach turn just thinking about them.  Would you like examples?  Of course you would.

We’ll go in alphabetical order by State because I like to be all organizational.

California State Fair:

Deep-fried bacon-wrapped Reeses Peanut Butter Cup.  Hell yeah.  I would absolutely eat that without a second thought.  I’m a fan of bacon.  Which is good, because a fair amount of items on this list involve bacon in some form.

Captain Crunch Chicken Sandwich.  Captain crunch cereal appears to be mixed with slow cooked pulled chicken!  Looks disgusting.  No thank you, California.  I’ll pass on this delicacy.

captain crunch

Iowa State Fair:

Apple Taco. Apple taco is a soft shelled tortilla deep fat fried sprinkled with cinnamon/sugar filled with granny smith apples topped with whip cream and caramel.  Absolutely YES to this one.  I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a sucker for anything deep fried.

apple taco

–Sweet Potato Totchos.  Sweet potato tater tots with a marshmallow and caramel sauce drizzled over top. The Sweet Potato TotChos are a dessert alternative.  While I’m all for name-blending celebrity couples, I’m not sure I’m down with the tot/nacho combo of a totcho.  I absolutely DESPISE sweet potatoes so this would make me run far and fast in the other direction.

Minnesota State Fair

Duck Bacon Wontons.  Duck bacon, grilled sweet corn, and cream cheese combined inside deep fried wontons served with dipping sauce.  This sounds gross, too.  Is it bacon made out of duck meat?  I love ducks and I would feed them bread if I saw them in the park.  I don’t want to EAT them.  Also, I don’t know how corn fits into the mix.  Pass!

–Cheesy Nacho Corn on the Cob:  Roasted corn on the cob lightly coated with crushed Dorito® corn chips and nacho cheese.  For some reason, I have a feeling this would taste absolutely horrible, but that would NOT prevent me from trying it.  The cheesy sauce on top would probably be a bit of overkill.

cob corn

Memphis Totchos:  Sliced bananas and sautéed bacon over tator tots topped with peanut sauce.  I would also have to kindly decline on this one.  You lost me at bananas, tator tots, and peanut sauce.  Can I just pick the bacon out and eat that?  And what’s with the TOTCHOS?  Two different state fairs have them, so I’m assuming this isn’t a regional thing.  I must live under a rock if I’ve never heard of the Totcho.

New Jersey Fair:

Fried Bubble Gum.  I don’t even need to see a picture to know that there’s no way in Hell I’m going to EAT bubble gum.  Not even if you deep fry it.  Not even if you wrap it in bacon (although there’s no bacon with the gum, I just thought I’d throw that out there.)

New York State Fair:

The Pig Out. It starts with deep-fried bacon that gets coated in Doritos. Then it’s fried again and topped with a chipotle sauce and cheese.  While I’m kind of excited for the double deep fry technique, the cheese and chipotle sauce would put the nail in that coffin.  I’m not a fan of sauces.

Texas State Fair:

This is a giant disappointment because there were NO pictures on the website.  Nor were there any details or descriptions of the food.  So many unanswered questions!  However, the food listed on the site pretty much blew my mind.

Deep Fried Froot Loops.  I can’t even imagine how you’d do this.  NO!

Deep Fried Chicken Noodle Soup on a Stick.  I definitely need more information on this one.  But, yeah, I’d get this without a second thought.  Come on, people…it’s CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP!  So healthy!

Fried Texas Dirt.  Um…I’m assuming this isn’t real dirt…but what IS it then??

Oreo Beer.  HELL YEAH.  This is perhaps my favorite of every food I’ve listed.  I want this.  Sooooo badly!

Ramen Grasshopper Cookie.  Is this a cookie made of real grasshopper bugs and ramen noodles?  What in heaven’s name would make a person decide to combine those items?

Wisconsin State Fair:

Monkey Business.  You’ll go bananas for our caramelized banana burrito! Stuffed with house-made bacon jam and creamy peanut butter, then deep fried, drizzled with Wisconsin honey, and finished with a sprinkle of chipotle cinnamon sugar – this funky monkey means business!  Yeah, I’d have to try this one, simply for the chipotle cinnamon sugar.  I’m intrigued!!!

Three Little Pigs Ravioli.  Completely noodleless, handmade bacon ravioli stuffed with 3 different styles of pork! 6 slices of handwoven bacon stuffed with homemade bourbon bacon jam, house smoked pulled pork shoulder, and pancetta. Complemented by cream cheese, Wisconsin smoked gouda, scallions, onion and brown sugar. Served with homemade cherry bourbon bacon BBQ jam.  Hmm.  That sounds like it has a LOT going on.  Too many flavors would assault my senses.

Unicorn Twinkie.  Deep-fried twinkie with cotton candy filling topped with bright pink and blue icing with edible glitter sprinkles.  I think I just threw up in my mouth from reading that description.  PASS!


There you have it, folks.  If you’re looking to fill up on high calorie, high fat, extremely unique fair foods, you’ve got a list of delicacies to get you started!

What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten?  Was it disgusting or did you fall in love with the flavor sensation?  I’m always looking for suggestions…

As always, have a great day and thanks for reading!






Would you rather…Read or Watch?

Today’s blog post is going to cover the topic of Book Versus Movie/Television. The reason for this debate (or rather, why I have my panties in a twist) is because I watched the new TV Series ‘Midnight, Texas’ based off the book series by Charlaine Harris.

Let me first give you some background info: I read all the Sookie Stackhouse books and watched one or two episodes of True Blood on HBO.  (I probably would have watched more, but we didn’t get HBO at the time because we’re too cheap to pay for it and now I’m too lazy to rent the series on DVD).  I have read NONE of the Midnight, Texas books.  Evidently there are three books in the series.

So I DVR’d the Midnight, Texas television show and decided I’d give it a chance. I knew I liked the author and I love shows with a paranormal element.  After the first fifteen minutes I was hooked.  The show started with a whopper of an action scene and immediately grabbed my attention.  However, my mind began to wander as the episode progressed and I felt like I was missing out on valuable information that was most likely in the book, but cut out of the television show in order to save on time.  In the end, I decided that I’d be better off just reading the books and not waiting for a whole season of shows to find out what happens.

This brings me to our topic of today…do you all agree with me? Would you rather read a story and picture it in your head as the drama unfolds…or would you rather let it play out on television or at the movie theater?  I would honestly have to say that I prefer the books in 90% of situations.

Let’s take a stroll down memory lane for some prime examples of stuff I’ve read and then watched.

Example #1   THE STAND by STEPHEN KING.  This is my favorite book in the history of books.  The man tells a narrative and sets a scene like nobody’s business.  I didn’t feel the miniseries did it justice.

Example #2 The Twilight Series.  By the time the fourth book was released, I had seen the movie and couldn’t help but picture Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart as Edward and Bella.  The fact that they were both in the tabloids every five seconds kind of removed some of the excitement of the story for me.

Example #3 Fifty Shades of Grey. I suffered through all the books (yes, Anastasia, please bite your lip ONE MORE TIME) and had no real desire to see Mr. Grey make a brooding ‘I want to spank you’ face for two hours on film.  But…we had free HBO that weekend, so I DVR’d it anyway.  (Yes, I have a problem with watching TV live in real time.  I like to DVR stuff so I can fast forward.  I hate commercials and have a short attention span!)  Wow.  I ended up skipping most of the sex scenes and laughing every time Christian Grey scowled.

Example #4  Harry Potter.  This is the one exception to the rule of my preference for books over movies.  I would have to say that both of them were equally mesmerizing. While it’s true that I prefer to picture the characters in my head, and it’s always a disappointment when the actors cast in the role do not match up, I have no problem with Harry, Hermione, or Ron.  I think JK Rowling did such an amazing job with her world building and stayed true to her characters.

I guess there’s nothing quite like the feeling when you’re totally engrossed in a good book, transported to another world, and get so absorbed that you block out everything going on in real life. I can do that a lot easier when I’m reading than when I’m watching.

That’s just my opinion, but I’m interested to know what you think of the topic.  What movies did you find to be better than the books?

Til next time….


I need a MUCH stronger Deodorant…

I know, you’re staring at the subject line of this blog post and wondering what the heck I’m talking about.  Of course there’s a story behind it.  You know I’m all about the back story!  Are you ready?  Let’s dive in…

As you may or may not be aware, I’m extremely cheap and hesitant to actually spend any money promoting my books.  I’ll sign up for ANY promotional opportunity as long as it has the cost of $FREE.  That’s what led me to jump in blindly to a new opportunity.  What am I talking about?  Something called a “Live Write.”

I was talking to someone on Facebook and she said the magic phrase ‘free opportunity to get your name out there.’  I instantly said, “SIGN ME UP!” without doing a lick of research.  This is my typical method of operation in life.  So, as per usual, I might be in over my head a little bit.

A ‘Live Write’ is where two authors come together in real time and write a story.  In this case, the ‘Live Write’ is on Friday July 21 in the form of a Facebook Event.  There are six writers broken up into pairs, and each pair of writers gets one hour to do their story.  I’m still not 100 percent sure how it works, but I think the two authors take turns each writing three or four sentences and then it’s the next person’s turn and then back to the first person’s turn.  The moderator chooses a picture and the two authors have to construct a story based on that picture.  The scary part is that you have to be fast on your feet, the story has to make sense, and you can’t second guess where the plot is leading because it’s all LIVE in real time.  There’s no do-over and no advanced preparation.  You see the picture and then you’re off and running with no time to strategize.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I can be spontaneous and improvise a story.  That’s not the issue.  The thing that’s causing me to sweat through my deodorant in five seconds flat…is the fact that most authors don’t write the way that I do.  I researched one of these events AFTER I signed up for it (yeah, I should have done that the other way around) and I was in for a bit of a rude awakening.

They write stuff that sounds all flowery and descriptive like…

“The majestic sun cast down her light, beaming bright rays of warmth onto the harsh, scorched pavement.   Every desperately thirsty plant within a two mile radius ached for even the barest drop of rainwater to coat their withering leaves.  This environment was detrimental to the well-being of the inhabitants on the planet, causing deplorable living conditions for millions of unfortunate citizens.”

(Yeah, I just made all that crap up off the top of my head, but it took forever because I can’t think of descriptive words.)

While I write stuff that sounds like…


            Dmitry kept pacing and I started to sweat a bit more than usual.  After watching me wipe my hands on my jeans for the third time, he called me over and asked me take a little walk with him to burn off nervous energy. 

            “Violet, you and I are both in the same boat.  I can’t handle the flight without a tiny bit of help,” he confessed.  He reached into his pocket and took out a little Ziploc bag full of pills.  “I’m taking six of these fuckers to get to the point where I can get on the plane without losing my shit.  Do you want one or two of them?”

            “What are they?” I think that’s a valid question to ask before taking a mysterious pill from a bag in someone’s pocket.

            “Do you trust me?  At all?”

            “Of course I do.”  That was true.  I would put my life in Rocky’s hands, but not counting him, Dmitry was the next one in line that I trusted the most.  He had been there for me after my world exploded and he talked some sense into me.  Rocky tried to protect me from the truth, Irina threw it in my face and told me to grow a pair, but Dmitry…he actually took the time to sit down with me and explain things.  I had an enormous amount of respect for the man. 

            “Good.  Thank you.  I would never do anything to betray that trust.  Now shut up and take the damn pill.”

            Dmitry counted out six for him and one for me.  I really did not want to do this, but I did it anyway.  Hopefully I would just fall asleep on the plane and not be so nervous.

            “What was that?” I asked after it went down the hatch.

            “A very strong sedative.  If I can take a handful, then you should be fine with one.”

            “If I throw up, I’m going to kill you,” I warned.  “Throwing up is my biggest fear in life.”

            We walked back to Rocky and Sergio.  They were stretching their legs and getting ready to board the plane.  I wondered how long it would take for Dmitry’s magic pill to start working.  The answer to that question was about two minutes.

            “It smells really nice in this airport,” I muttered randomly, looking around and breathing deeply.  “Like popcorn and coffee and cheesecake.”

            “I don’t think cheesecake has a smell,” Dmitry argued.

            “Cheese has a scent and cake has a scent.  Using that logic, cheesecake has a scent,” I said.  Damn.  I was so smart.  I think this was a brain pill.

            Dmitry stuck his finger in my face and said, “Oh, really?  A fish has a smell and a vagina has a smell.  But sometimes they’re the same smell.”

            I bust out laughing and giggled, “That makes no sense, you twat!”

            “Dmitry, who are you fucking that it smells like fish down there?” Sergio asked, shaking his head in disappointment, presumably at Dmitry’s sexual partners.

            This caused me to laugh even harder.

            “I can’t feel my arms.  They’re floating,” I said, flapping my arms like a bird.

            “Son of a bitch!” Rocky snapped.  “Dmitry, what did you take and what the fuck did you give to Violet?”

            “I took a few pills and she took a tiny little quarter of a pill.  Don’t worry about it.”

            “He’s a LIAR!  He took like twenty pills and I had a WHOLE one!” I whispered really loudly.  “Shh.  We have to be quiet or they won’t let us on the plane.  I want to see the zombies and the slot machines!  Do you think they have zombies PLAYING the slot machines?”

Do you see the difference?  I was born to write humorous dialogue and NOT evocative imagery.  So I’m pretty sure I’m going to have an epic failure at this Live Write.  I feel sorry for the author that’s stuck being my partner.

Dear Author who’s drawn the short straw and forced to be my Live Write partner, I apologize in advance for messing up your story with witty dialogue, curse words, and absolutely no fancy prose.

Oh my goodness.  Am I even allowed to swear at all during this thing?  I mean when I first meet new people, I’m all about the ‘please,’ ‘thank you,’ and ‘have a lovely day.’  But after you get to know me (which takes all of ten minutes), my formality usually goes out the window and the SH*TS, A$$E$, and worse start creeping into the conversation.  Am I rude?  No.  It’s just the way I speak.  I will have to try super hard to contain myself at this event, so as not to look like I’m insane.

Also, I have a BAD habit of randomly capitalizing words in sentences.  Most normal authors use italics when they want to stress a word, but not me.  ‘Grace’ and ‘Normal’ do not go hand in hand.  I like to use ALL caps when I want to stress a word.  This is not something I do on purpose.  It’s instinct…like breathing.  When I read books where proper authors use italics, I think to myself, “So THAT’S how you’re supposed to do it!” and then I go back to using my all caps like a weirdo.

Okay.  I’m going WAY off topic.  I forgot what this blog post was even supposed to be about.  Deep breath.

1) You are ALL cordially invited to attend my very first ever Live Write event.  Here is the link to the event on Facebook:


I’m LIVE from 8-9pm USA Central Time Zone.

Please feel free to come and watch me go down in flames.  Please also know that while you’re at home being a spectator, I will ABSOLUTELY sweating through several layers of deodorant and frequently wiping my palms on my jeans and muttering, “WHY did I sign up for this?”

2) If that little snippet from My Dirty Vacation (up abovein RED) caught your eye…I’d like to mention that it’s currently on sale for the low, low price of only 99 cents or £0.99 (for my Brits!).  The sale runs from July 20 – July 27 on a Kindle Countdown Deal.  Here is the link in case you would like to take advantage of this amazing, limited time offer.   https://www.amazon.com/My-Dirty-Vacation-Comedy-Adventure-ebook/dp/B071L5359F

Amazon UK LINK

My Dirty Vacation Amazon Cover


I probably should have put that buy link somewhere closer to the top of the email.  I’m HORRIBLE at sales and marketing.

Anyway…as always…thank you very much for reading and have a lovely day!



How does your garden grow? (Summer blog post with PICTURES!)

What’s that nursery rhyme…Mary, Mary quite contrary, how does your garden grow?

I don’t know how Mary’s garden is doing, but mine is kind of crappy.  For those of you who don’t pay attention to my yard and what happens in it (which would be all of you, I presume), this is the second year for my garden.  Last year we planted cucumbers, green peppers, zucchini, pumpkins, carrots, and lettuce.  To say that it was a shit show would be putting it mildly.  We were swarmed with Japanese beetles, cucumber beetles, my cucumber plant broke off at the stem, the flowers fell off the pumpkins and none grew, and the zucchini turned rotten and mushy before they were fully grown.

Yes, when I said it was a disaster, I wasn’t kidding.

Fast forward to THIS year.  We’ve planted a different kind of lettuce (Last year the lettuce was bitter and tasted gross…no clue as to why), NO zucchini, and NO carrots.  How’s it going so far?  Thank you for asking!  I’ll tell you…

I have SIX green pepper plants all in individual pots.  They seem pretty decent so far.  I go out and check on them, find Japanese beetles on some of the leaves, have a screaming freak out fit probably scaring the hell out of any neighbor within ear shot, and squash the life out of those bastards.  I’ve found the most satisfying method of destruction is to take two pooper scoopers (are they called trowels?) and mash the bugs between them thus causing a delightful CRUNCH as they pass on to the next realm.  Of course it pisses me off to see the bugs ruining my leaves, yet it also makes me feel guilty after I kill them.  If someone squished my ass just because I was doing nothing more than innocently chewing on my food, I would have a bit of an attitude.  So…bug death is satisfying yet guilt-inducing.  Yes, I have issues.  Here is a picture of my green pepper plant….


Moving right along…the rest of the garden is not doing as well as the green peppers.  We have cantaloupe, cucumbers, and pumpkins planted in a large raised garden.  The cucumber babies are yellow.  They are not supposed to be yellow.  See example of dying tiny cucumber… (FYI, when I was loading the pictures from my camera to the computer, I labeled this one as ‘CUCUMBER DEATH PIC’


Not all of them are dead, because I do have this oddly shaped curvy fellow:


So, folks, there you have it.  Should the zombie apocalypse occur and I’m forced to hunker down and shelter in place, I will be going without fresh fruits and vegetables.  If I get absolutely desperate, I’ll have to eat the flowers growing around my house.

Yes, those are actually doing quite well.  Want pics?  Of course you do!

Here is a pretty pink flower that looks like a firework.  My husband wants to pull them out every year because he thinks they’re weeds, even though they grow IN THE SAME POT every single season.


I also have these orange ones…


These white ones…


And these pretty roses:



So there you have it…that’s the story of my green thumb (or lack thereof).

In case you’re wondering why the contemporary romantic comedy erotica author is writing a gardening blog post…it’s been a slow few weeks and I have no other gossip for you today.

Have a lovely week and thanks for reading!


P.S. Please, please, PLEASE do not ask me the names of the flowers.  I think the orange ones are Asian Lilies, but I have NO clue as to the white or pink ones.  Which is why I call them ‘white’ and ‘pink’ ones.