It’s been ages since my last newsletter/blog post because I’ve been busy enjoying summer, and hopefully you have too! Today we have two topics to cover and both involve my birthday!!!!
Topic #1 – Birthday present for me. My husband asked me what I want for my birthday and I had no idea what to answer. If you’ve been following along, you already know that I’m a total hoarder who doesn’t need any more crap. Also, last year some of my presents involved a box with 24 deodorants and 3 bottles of perfume. Yes, we buy in bulk. Yes, I’m fully stocked for the apocalypse and won’t stink when the zombies come to get me. Anyway, I don’t need physical presents so I told my husband that I want an experience. We don’t usually do fun stuff, so I wanted a day of adventure. Did I get it? Hell yeah, baby! We went to the zoo!
I love animals and thought this would be the perfect experience. It really was and we had a great time. I took a bunch of pictures and pretended I was ‘Grace Risata: Nature Photographer.’ There are some gems such as ‘Pissing Bear,’ ‘Giraffe Chewing on Something,’ and ‘Blurry Fish.’ My camera has a lot of different settings and I don’t know how to use them so I just click away until I get a picture that’s not totally blurry.
I learned that Ostriches are super tall, elephants are not as large as I thought they would be, the big cats don’t do much but sleep, monkeys seem depressed in captivity, and bears are extremely entertaining. Evidently my husband was most impressed with the hippos.
Me: Hippos just waddle around and don’t do anything. I bet they get eaten.
Him: No! Hippos are badass.
Okay. I’ll have to take his word for it. If you ask me, gophers are pretty badass. We saw a small outside enclosure with two little monkeys (the kind with long tails that swing from trees, not the gorillas) and they were just hanging around. Anyway, two gophers ran into their area and started eating the food. One little gopher munched on an orange slice just as happy as could be. All of a sudden the monkey swooped down and hissed at the gopher to say, “Quit eating my food, you asshole!” I expected the gopher to have a heart attack, but he just dropped the orange and scampered off at his own pace, like, “Who’s in the cage and who’s running free, dumbass?!”
Let’s fast forward to the new episodes of ‘Serengeti’ on the Discovery Channel. Most of the animals I just saw in the zoo were now running wild on the Serengeti Plain. Do you know what happens when animals run wild on the Serengeti Plain? Yes, they eat each other. My loyalty flip-flopped faster than the fan of a losing sports team.
Me to the TV: “Run, monkey! Don’t let that fucking gator eat you and your baby!”
Me to the TV two minutes later: “What the fuck? Run, gator! Don’t let that fucking monkey steal the eggs out of your nest and eat them!”
Me to my husband: “Why can’t they just eat potato chips like I am and quit killing each other like savages?”
His reply: “They don’t have chips on the Serengeti Plain. It’s kill or be killed.”
He refused to change the channel and I had to go in the other room and tell the dog she was not allowed to go in the other room because some bad shit was going down on the television.
And that is the story of my birthday experience.
But wait, there’s more!
Topic #2: Birthday bargains for everyone! I’m all about sharing and spreading the love for my birthday, so from August 21 to August 28 each and every single one of my books (there are 12, I counted) is on sale at the low, low price of only 99 cents.
That’s right. ALL OF THEM.
Her Invisible Soldier? 321 pages of military romance with Alyce and Dixon…. One of my personal favorites…. Never, ever less than $2.99….now yours for only 99 cents!
My Dirty Detour? 430 pages of alpha male mafia comedy romance with not one, not two, but THREE sexy leading men….the first book I ever wrote and sort of auto biographical in a few parts…now yours for only 99 cents!
This is NOT a Double Date? My newest release with the weirdo cover that has no people on it? Yeah, baby. Only 99 cents!
So, take advantage of this great deal now and one-click to your hearts’ content.
Have a wonderful day, thanks for reading, and…
One more thing.
In case you weren’t aware, I have a Facebook reader group and we’re having a weeklong party in celebration of my birthday. There’s games, prizes, and general mayhem. If you’re interested, please feel free to join!
That’s all for today.
Until next time….
Grace ‘Birthday Girl’ Risata