Not quite a pick-up line…

Hello everyone!  I know it’s been over TWO weeks since my last newsletter/blog post.  While it’s true that I’ve been procrastinating in that department, I haven’t been a total slacker.  I started writing a new book and I’ve been feverishly typity-type-typing away while the idea is fresh in my head.

Since nothing new and exciting is going on right now, I’ll have to pull from the archives of the life of Grace to give you an entertaining story.  Don’t worry though, I have plenty to pick from.  Today we’ll be discussing the topic of LOVE.  (Please insert hearts, flowers, and swoony faces here…I’m bad with emoticons so you’ll have to do it yourself).

Now, you may wonder what kind of amazing and adventurous life of passion that a romance writer leads.  I know that I envision Danielle Steel sitting at a computer in some glamorous high rise penthouse in New York City staring out her picture window at the starry skyline.  She’s wearing flowing silken robes, her hair is done to perfection, and she’s led a wildly thrilling life from which to draw inspiration for her stories.  Yes, I know I’m crazy and that’s probably a bizarre scenario that I just made up in my head.  Since I don’t really know anything about her life, I can’t say if it’s true or not.  However…I definitely know it’s not true in my case.

Let’s take a walk down memory lane of Grace’s love life.  It’s depressing and full of potholes, so don’t get your hopes up.  If it was a movie, it would compare more along the lines of “Night of the Living Dead” instead of “Pretty Woman.”  Yes, I just compared zombies to hookers.  Moving right along…

Today we will cover some of the wonderful lines that 100% REAL MEN have used when speaking to me.  If you think these are going to be pick-up lines…oh boy…are you in for a letdown!

1)  “I don’t want to go out with you because I’m thinking of becoming a priest.” (said by some douche I liked in 10th grade.  Not sure if he became a priest or not.)

2)  “I’m gay.” (said by some guy I liked in 12th grade.  In his defense, he really was gay, so I couldn’t blame him for that.  It’s not my fault I had the wrong equipment.)

3)  “There’s really no chemistry in my opinion.  Kissing you would be the same as kissing a sponge.” (said by some jackass that has no class.  How the hell does he know what it’s like to kiss a sponge?  Is he sitting around all day making out with them?  Maybe he should try women who kiss back and aren’t all moldy and rotten from doing the dishes too many times without being rinsed out.  Yes, I’m still bitter about this one even though it was literally twenty-two years ago.)

4)  “You’re going to be a great catch…for someone else one day.”  (said by some dickface that I really, really liked.  It doesn’t matter because he had a couple girls going at the same time and I’m pretty sure he didn’t understand the word ‘Monogamy.’  Sigh.  He was a good kisser though…at least we got to that part because he didn’t know that some people kiss sponges instead of women.  Thank goodness for that!)

I’m sure there are more, but I blocked them out in order to avoid further trauma to my self-esteem.  Please don’t feel sorry for me in the slightest.  After a string of loser-dorks, I met my husband and lived happily ever after (so far…so good!).  I could actually devote a whole blog post on the lines my husband has used over the years.  If you’ve read any of my books, chances are you’re familiar with them.  Would you like an example?

In ‘My Dirty Detour,’ Rocky tells Violet one of my favorite lines EVER:

“I would never do anything to jeopardize my time on Earth with you.”

So romantic!  There’s no way in Hell I could come up with something so swoon-worthy.  This is a real line that my husband actually told me.  Perhaps I should put it in the context in which it was used so you could gain some perspective on the situation?

We had gone out to a bar with a couple of friends and I asked him if I could drive home since I wasn’t keeping track of how much he drank.  He then smiled, looked directly into my eyes, and blurted the ‘jeopardize my time on Earth’ line.  In case you’re wondering how I reacted…I broke out laughing and demanded that he give me the keys to the car.  I knew he was feeling no pain because the man does NOT talk like that in everyday, ordinary life.  But it made a hell of a good book dialogue line a few years later.

See…art imitates life.

There’s your story for the day and now we can all carry on with our lives.  Since I’m busy working on my newest project and have no books to promote, perhaps you’d like to know about some other books that are available?

Cocky Rockstar by Faleena Hopkins…currently FREE (but please double check before one-clicking!)

https://www.amazon.com/Cocky-Rockstar-Gabriel-Cocker-Brothers-ebook/dp/B072C1SWG4

Noah by Liz Gavin is a new release priced at only 99 Cents…

https://www.amazon.com/Noah-Knights-Edge-Book-2-ebook/dp/B074D657H1

Noah Cartwright owns a successful bistro in a southern Brazilian beach as he struggles to put together his rock band. He was burnt by betrayal years ago, but hasn’t given up on finding Miss Right.
Ana Oliveira hides dark secrets from her past as she attends tables and studies to get her teaching credentials. She knows Mr. Right is a fantasy. She stopped believing in fairy tales a long time ago.
They’ve got little in common, except for a sizzling hot chemistry, which could jeopardize their future plans. Yet they gravitate towards each other and the resulting collision changes both forever.

Knight’s Edge is a series of standalone romances without cliffhangers and with guaranteed Happily Ever Afters. If you love hot rockers and their sassy ladies, you must read this series.

One-click this book today to get Noah’s story and learn how the Knight’s Edge began and made it to the top.

A Lifetime without you by Stephanie Nicole Norris…pre-order for $3.99

https://www.amazon.com/Lifetime-You-Falling-Rose-Book-ebook/dp/B0767DV5S3

It was the season that brought families together, for trick or treating, and Thanksgiving dinners. But for Octavia Davenport, this season symbolized an era in her life when she lost everything. For years, Octavia was alone living a moderately single life, but then she met the owner of Rose Security Group, and suddenly things began to change. A blossoming friendship evolved and with it came an unrestrained indulgence to connect with him on every level. Desire had never stirred her until him, and Octavia didn’t want to deny herself what she so hungrily craved.

As the head honcho of the Midwest’s preeminent security firm, Jonathon Alexander Rose is known for his commanding persona. Although his reputation precedes him, Jonathon would rather live his days absent from the limelight, with his sexy audacious best friend, Octavia. His fiery passion for her has been Jonathon’s secret until he can no longer stand to be on the sidelines. When he decides to go after what he wants, nothing will stand in his way.

Call of the Wild by Simone Leigh….FREE!

https://www.amazon.com/Freedom-Call-Wild-Book-One-ebook/dp/B01N201HTE

Anna is a writer, making her living on the move and living her life as free as a bird. She seems to have complete freedom and a perfect life. But is everything as it appears?

Neanderthal Seeks Human by Penny Reid…FREE (but please double check before one-clicking!

https://www.amazon.com/Neanderthal-Seeks-Human-Knitting-City-ebook/dp/B00BUWA58E

That’s all for today, everyone.  Have a Happy Halloween and stay safe!

Til next time…

Grace

 

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I was almost rich…for about five minutes!

Hello everyone!  I hope you’re all having a nice transition from summer into the cooler days of fall.  I’m not a big fan of looking outside at 6:30 and seeing dark skies already, but there’s not much I can do about that.  However, I have no issue with sucking down caramel apples like they’re going out of style!

Today’s topic is the exciting story of how I was almost rich for about five minutes.  As you may or may not be aware, my husband and I like to go to estate sales (bigger and better than rummage sales…usually it’s a whole house of treasures for sale) and we hunt for cheap items that might be worth big money.

Don’t scoff at me!  While it’s true I’ve never uncovered any gold bars hidden under the bed, I have made some decent discoveries.  I found a vintage jumper for $1 that I sold for $50 on Ebay.  We’ve sold vintage belt buckles, wolf statues, books, shoes, and much, much more.

Let’s back up to the part where I said I sold books.  No, I’m not talking about antique first edition tales from the 1800s.  I have NO idea what any of that is worth.  But I’v e sold popular series by authors whose names you would know.  (Stephen King, James Patterson, etc).  Unfortunately, my husband assumes I know a lot about the author world since I started writing romantic comedies in 2016.  I hate to let him down, so I might pretend to know more than I do.   Such is the case with the awesomely fantastic book I found last weekend.

It’s my husband’s job to find the estate sales in the newspaper and on Craigslist…and it’s my duty to carry my phone and search the Ebay app for all the crap he finds in the houses that he deems ‘priceless.’  Most of it normally comes up in a search as being sold for $2.83 so I make him pass and PUT THE ITEM BACK.  We usually separate to scour the house in a kind of ‘divide and conquer’ method.  This is what led me to a box of books in a room that appeared to be an office.  A few ‘Harry Potter’ books immediately caught my eye.  Yes, I’ve read the series, watched bits and pieces from some of the movies, and gone on the rides at Universal Studios.  Yes, I’ve had a butterbeer (regular AND frozen.  I got brain freeze.  But I digress.).  I was not interested in the Potter books for myself, though.  My stepson (he’s 24) is a diehard Potter freak.  He’s read every book a zillion times and owns every movie on DVD.  He’s a teacher who lends the books to his students, and he told me to snap them up if I can get a bargain because sometimes his books vanish and don’t return.  No problem!  I’m all about helping kids get books, right?  Absolutely!

So I grabbed two Potter paperbacks (Books 3 and 4, which is totally irrelevant but I’m telling you anyway) and then I saw something that took my breath away.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone.

Do you know what that is?  I did.

When J.K. Rowling released her first Harry Potter book in the UK, it was called ‘Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone.’  The name was changed to ‘Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone’ when it came to America.  I immediately knew three things:  this book is rare, it could be worth $$$, and my stepson will kill me if I do not purchase this.

001

I grabbed that book and held it tightly to my chest like it was lost treasure from the City of Atlantis.  I sandwiched it between the other two Potter books and clung to them like I was drowning at sea and they were my life preserver.

I ran to find my husband and said, “We have to go NOW!”

For some reason, I was paranoid that the people running the sale would discover my treasure, rip it out of my hand, and say, “No way, honey!  That’s not for sale!”

We managed to pay and I calmly walked to the car and immediately called my stepson.  This is our unedited conversation:

Me:  You are not going to believe this!

Him:  Hmm?  I’m asleep.  (It was nine in the morning on a Saturday)

Me:  Wake the hell up!  You are not going to BELIEVE THIS!

Him:  Hmm?  What’s the matter?

Me:  You know how you told me to always get Harry Potter books?  I’m at an estate sale and guess what I just got?

Him:  A Harry Potter book?

Me:  Yes…I found a book…maybe you’ve heard of it?  Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone?

Him:  Holy Shit!  BUY IT!  I DON’T CARE WHAT IT COSTS!  JUST BUY IT!

Me:  I already did.  I’m in the car with it.  It was fifty cents.

Him:  Holy Shit!  WHAT DOES IT SAY ON THE INSIDE?

Me:  Bloomsbury press, UK, 1997, Joanne Rowling.

Him:  HOLY SHIT!  What if it’s a first edition?  Those sell for dollar amounts in the FIVE FIGURES!

Me:  Okay…I’ll take a pic and text you the inside copyright page.

We freaked out back and forth on the phone for a good ten minutes before his research yielded some results.  Yes, the book goes for five figures if it’s a limited first edition hard cover from a certain date.  If it’s a paperback with a typo on page 58, they go for the low three figure dollar amounts.  He was still convinced it was worth about a hundred bucks since it was an early printing.

I got home and really checked Ebay.  There was an earlier printing selling for approximately $7.84, not including shipping.

So…yeah.  Not getting rich that way.  But it was sure as hell exciting for about ten minutes.

In case you were wondering…yes, I had to give the book to my stepson, no, he’s NOT selling it, and yes, we’re very easily excited in my family.

There you have it folks, another day in the life of Grace Risata.

If you’re looking for something ELSE to read (besides my story of heartbreak involving riches cruelly taken from me), you might be interested in my newest release, Teaching the Dom…currently priced at only 99 cents on Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/Teaching-Dom-Grace-Risata-ebook/dp/B075HK2N96

If you’re looking for something FREE to read, you might want to check out my short story, My Dirty Bet, on Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/My-Dirty-Bet-Alpha-Comedy-ebook/dp/B01DFMO1MM

If you’re looking for something batshit crazy to pre-order, you might want to check out my friend’s new release that goes live on Friday:  The Cock in Me by Julian Napier.  It’s hilarious and highly recommended.  I’m not saying that because he’s a nice guy, I’m telling you it’s definitely worth a read.  I laughed my ass off.

https://www.amazon.com/COCK-Chicken-Shifter-Romance-ebook/dp/B075S14TSY

If you’re looking for something FREE and NOT batshit crazy, you might want to check out this story:

https://www.amazon.com/Unexpected-Home-Cedarville-Novel-ebook/dp/B01IZXI0YQ

That’s all I have for today!  Have a great weekend everyone!

Until next time….

Grace