How does your garden grow? (Summer blog post with PICTURES!)

What’s that nursery rhyme…Mary, Mary quite contrary, how does your garden grow?

I don’t know how Mary’s garden is doing, but mine is kind of crappy.  For those of you who don’t pay attention to my yard and what happens in it (which would be all of you, I presume), this is the second year for my garden.  Last year we planted cucumbers, green peppers, zucchini, pumpkins, carrots, and lettuce.  To say that it was a shit show would be putting it mildly.  We were swarmed with Japanese beetles, cucumber beetles, my cucumber plant broke off at the stem, the flowers fell off the pumpkins and none grew, and the zucchini turned rotten and mushy before they were fully grown.

Yes, when I said it was a disaster, I wasn’t kidding.

Fast forward to THIS year.  We’ve planted a different kind of lettuce (Last year the lettuce was bitter and tasted gross…no clue as to why), NO zucchini, and NO carrots.  How’s it going so far?  Thank you for asking!  I’ll tell you…

I have SIX green pepper plants all in individual pots.  They seem pretty decent so far.  I go out and check on them, find Japanese beetles on some of the leaves, have a screaming freak out fit probably scaring the hell out of any neighbor within ear shot, and squash the life out of those bastards.  I’ve found the most satisfying method of destruction is to take two pooper scoopers (are they called trowels?) and mash the bugs between them thus causing a delightful CRUNCH as they pass on to the next realm.  Of course it pisses me off to see the bugs ruining my leaves, yet it also makes me feel guilty after I kill them.  If someone squished my ass just because I was doing nothing more than innocently chewing on my food, I would have a bit of an attitude.  So…bug death is satisfying yet guilt-inducing.  Yes, I have issues.  Here is a picture of my green pepper plant….


Moving right along…the rest of the garden is not doing as well as the green peppers.  We have cantaloupe, cucumbers, and pumpkins planted in a large raised garden.  The cucumber babies are yellow.  They are not supposed to be yellow.  See example of dying tiny cucumber… (FYI, when I was loading the pictures from my camera to the computer, I labeled this one as ‘CUCUMBER DEATH PIC’


Not all of them are dead, because I do have this oddly shaped curvy fellow:


So, folks, there you have it.  Should the zombie apocalypse occur and I’m forced to hunker down and shelter in place, I will be going without fresh fruits and vegetables.  If I get absolutely desperate, I’ll have to eat the flowers growing around my house.

Yes, those are actually doing quite well.  Want pics?  Of course you do!

Here is a pretty pink flower that looks like a firework.  My husband wants to pull them out every year because he thinks they’re weeds, even though they grow IN THE SAME POT every single season.


I also have these orange ones…


These white ones…


And these pretty roses:



So there you have it…that’s the story of my green thumb (or lack thereof).

In case you’re wondering why the contemporary romantic comedy erotica author is writing a gardening blog post…it’s been a slow few weeks and I have no other gossip for you today.

Have a lovely week and thanks for reading!


P.S. Please, please, PLEASE do not ask me the names of the flowers.  I think the orange ones are Asian Lilies, but I have NO clue as to the white or pink ones.  Which is why I call them ‘white’ and ‘pink’ ones.


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