My Fitness Tracker Failure…

Hello Everyone!  This is blog post number two in my series of Christmas Present Product Testing.  Spoiler alert…this product test went even worse than the last one  (The ceramic hair straightener).

So…once upon a time I was reading the sale fliers for all the amazing, outstanding, UNBELIEVABLE Black Friday deals.  I stumbled upon a Craig Fitness Tracker for the low, low price of $10.  Yes, you read that correctly.  It was only TEN dollars!  I know that normal fitbits cost a heck of a lot more than ten dollars, so I was obviously intrigued.

I felt the strongest urge to know how many steps I take in a day.  Two co-workers have real name-brand fitbits and I overheard them discussing their step count.  One person likes to get in 10,000 steps by noon and another likes to get that many steps in an entire day.  That led me to question my step productivity.  How long did it take me to hit 10,000 steps?  I assumed like a month?  Or at least a week?  Am I average?  Below average?  Above average? I highly doubted I was above average on anything fitness-related, but who knew?  I could be the Einstein of walking!  So this Craig Fitness Tracker called out to me on a primal level. For only TEN dollars!

No, ladies and gentlemen, I have yet to learn and fully appreciate the old adage ‘YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR.’

I excitedly clutched my shopping list on a very COLD Black Friday morning, preparing to score major bargains.  Among them, my $10 Craig fitness tracker.  I gleefully threw that baby in the cart and promptly took it home to wrap for myself to open on Christmas morning.

Let’s fast-forward to a month ago when I tried to actually USE the damn thing.

It did not go well, my friends.  It did not go well at all.

Let me first explain that I am not very capable when it comes to technology, I have the patience of a two year old who hasn’t had their daily nap, and I expect cheap ten dollar items to work JUST AS WELL as their vastly more expensive counterparts.

You can see where this is leading, can’t you?  Not to a happy place.  Not at all.

Anyway, I ripped open the package, fiddled around with Satan’s toy, and figured out how to plug the usb side into my computer in order to charge it.

No problem!

While I was waiting for the pile of crap to charge, I got out my phone in order to download the Craig Fitness Tracker App.  Yes…this quality product came with an app on the app store…so it must be good, right?


I downloaded the app on my android phone (yes, it’s a cheap prepaid tracfone.  This is irrelevant to the story though).

Now all I had to do was mate the fitness tracker to the phone and I’d be all set and ready to count my steps.  Sync the phone to my tracker?  Is that the proper term?  Make them communicate with each other?  Have them bond like two soulmates who just laid eyes upon each other across a crowded room?

Not happening.  I pressed every single button on the phone AND the tracker.  I read the directions three times, slowly, absorbing every single word.  I even pressed the face of the phone to the face of the fitness tracker, pretending they were making out with each other like I used to do with my Barbie and Ken dolls.

Smooch, smooth.  Can you recognize each other now?

Hell no!

By some miracle, I thought to check the comments on the fitness tracker app on the google play store.  Oh what a laugh I had!  Someone called it a “shitbit,” other actually wasted time spending HOURS on hold calling customer service, while others simply threw it in the garbage.

With a sigh, I’m donating mine to our local thrift store.  I guess the moral of the story is that…YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR.

Now I’ll never know how many steps I take in a day.  Another mystery…unsolved.

Back to the drawing board!

Have a great day and thanks for reading!






What if…?

95% of my stories come into existence all because I asked the question, “What if…?”

“What if I wrote a comedy romance with mafia people?”  MY DIRTY DETOUR

“Why is it snowing so hard?  What if there was a hot guy who got stranded somewhere and his love interest was a girl with a dog?”  NIGHTS IN THE FAST LANE

“What if I wrote erotica?  That seems to sell well.  Obviously it needs humor…” MOWED

“What if I wrote MORE erotica but this time added a paranormal element?”  UNGRANTED WISHES.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen…I asked myself, “What if…?” again last week.  Do you want to know the question?  Of course you do!

I was playing on Amazon and I came across a “short reads” category with story stories that can be read in a certain length of time…15 minutes, 30 minutes, 1 hour, etc.  This caught my eye.  First off, I have no idea how Amazon knows how long it takes someone to read a book.  I am a VERY fast reader and I’m pretty sure I can beat their recommended time length.  But I digress.

I asked myself, “What if I wrote a short story?”

My initial reaction to that question was, “Good luck, buttercup.  You write 158,000 word books.  You have to give EACH secondary character their own backstory.  No way can you write anything with the description “short” in it.  BAHAHAHAHAHA.

I became annoyed at the taunting of myself and accepted the challenge.

But I wasn’t done yet.  Simply writing a short story would be WAY too easy.  I needed to make this a bit more interesting.

What if…I did a post on Facebook randomly asking my Facebook friends to throw out a line of dialogue to be included in the short story?  What if I gave them NO hint as to what this story was about?

So I did that.  And they gave me some hilarious lines to work with.

But I wasn’t done yet.  I needed to make this just a little bit MORE difficult because I’m a glutton for punishment.  So I gave myself a deadline of EXACTLY a week.

You read that correctly.  The idea came into my head on Wednesday, February 1.  It is now Wednesday February 9.

In exactly ONE week, I plotted out, wrote, edited, created a cover, and uploaded to Amazon….



They told me to go shopping with them. They were simply making a few quick stops to pick up a birthday present for a friend. No big deal, right?
I should have known better. Nothing with this group ever goes quite as planned. One minute I’m minding my own business, thinking I’m about to have a quiet date night with my boyfriend, but the next thing you know I’m shooting a crossbow and getting involved in the most bizarre beauty pageant I’ve ever seen.
NOTE: This 14,000 word short story tells the tale of one night of adventure when a quirky woman joins her ex-mafia friends for a very memorable experience. This story is set in the “My Dirty Detour” world, however it is not necessary to have read that book in order to understand this story. Please be advised, there is vulgar language. This is a stand-alone story with plenty of humor, crazy characters, and NO cliffhanger.


On to the next crazy idea….