My faith in humanity is restored!

Ok.  Today is ‘Black Friday’ and I needed deals.  In order to get deals, I had to suck it up and battle the crowds.  I was not prepared for the amount of kindness I found.  It restored my faith in humanity.   Do you want to hear about it?  Ok, I’ll tell you!

I started my Black Friday shopping on Thursday night.  I went to a popular store and I was fully prepared to wait in line.  I made up my list, including the order in which to grab items.  I started at the $19.99 boots.  I snapped up an amazing gray pair of bad-ass knee-high boots.  While this would usually not be exciting to any other normal person, I do 90% of my shopping at thrift stores and I don’t usually buy new stuff from the store.  Also, I’m pretty unfashionable when it comes to clothes.  Just being honest.  Anyway…these boots are AMAZING.  They’re gray and distressed and they remind me of something Carol from the “Walking Dead” would wear while she was walking down the street and stabbing at zombies.  So of course I bought them.  When it came time to pay, I patiently waited in the long line.  I am NOT usually patient by any stretch of the imagination.  But I expect lines because it’s Black Friday.  One lady walking past the line had the nerve to grumble and act appalled and outraged that there was ACTUALLY A LINE TO PAY FOR ITEMS on Black Friday.  Really?  Are you just landing on planet Earth, lady?  I shook my head and carried on with my life.

I’m sorry.  I went off on a tangent.  The real purpose of this blog post is to talk about GOOD people who were helpful and made me happy.  So I’ll get back to that topic.  This morning on actual REAL Black Friday (and not pretend “Black Thursday Night”) I woke up at the crack of dawn (5am!) to go to a big box discount store that was closed on Thanksgiving.  Normally I make my husband go but he had a different store with items he had to have, so he bailed and left me high and dry.  He was, however, kind enough to give me tips on how to handle this event.

–“Do NOT take a cart.  It’s a rookie mistake.  You will not be able to maneuver down the aisles if you have a bulky cart.”

–“You need to cut out the items in the ad that you want and staple them together.  This way you won’t have to carry the ad around and flip through pages.”

–“If you get lost and can’t find an item, look for a short lady in the plumbing department.  I think her name is Sheila.  She’s been very helpful in the past.”

While part of me was a bit concerned that he was a on a first name basis with the very helpful lady in the plumbing department, the other part was amused that he thought there was any chance I would go screaming through the store, “SHEILA?  SHEILA!  WHERE ARE YOU GIRL?  I CAN’T FIND THE FIT BITS!  PAGING SHEILA!”

So, now I was prepped and ready.  I got to the store at 5:40 a.m. for the 6:00 cattle call.  I got out and stood in line.  I immediately noticed the couple behind me had big bags.  Obviously they had planned ahead and did NOT intend on getting the bulky carts.  I complimented them on their foresight and the lady said, “We also have a map of the store.”

What?  Are you kidding me?  There were MAPS online to tell you WHERE the sale items were located so you didn’t have to go around screaming for Sheila’s assistance?  Hmm.  Why the HELL had my husband not known about this?

The kind stranger showed me her map.  I thanked her profusely while I studied the page and looked for my $10 generic brand Fit Bit.  But alas, it was pitch dark since it was not even 6:00 a.m.

Imagine my utter surprise and awe when the stranger ahead of me in line got a flashlight out of his pocket and shined it on my map so I could actually read words!  I was flabbergasted.  Such helpfulness and kindness from utter strangers.  I LOVED these people!

Before long the line started to move and in we went.  The only bad thing I can saw about the experience was the lady about five people ahead of me who kindly littered her coffee cup on the sidewalk.  God forbid you might take five seconds to find a garbage, ma’am.  I was not aware that the world was your personal litter box.  Thank you for that.

I ended up grabbing a basket (Not a cart!) and made my way through the store.  I grabbed my $10 generic Fit Bit and my $10 Ceramic Hair Straightening Brush (These will be Christmas gifts to me.  I’ll write reviews for them if they’re any good), a ton of candy, other assorted items I didn’t plan on purchasing but caught my eye none-the-less, and a TON of dog toys.  I was on my way to the check-out, happy that I was so far ahead of schedule.  Then disaster struck.  I forgot to get my husband’s macadamia nuts.  Damn.  I had a fierce five second internal debate on whether to bail entirely and make a dash for the exit or to go back and fight the crowds and get them.  True love won out and I got his damn chocolate covered nuts.  Who am I kidding?  I loved them as much as he did.

After fighting the crowds and getting the nuts, I made my way to the check-outs.  I was prepared for lines out the door.  That did NOT happen, dear reader.  The Heavens parted, the angels sang, all the lanes were open and there was ONE PERSON AHEAD OF ME in the checkout line that I chose.  I shit you not.  I almost crapped my pants in joy.  This never happens on a normal Tuesday afternoon and it was happening on Black Friday?  YES!  Someone up there loves me.

I was in and out with ALL the items on my list in under thirty minutes!  Score of the Century.

In conclusion…I got awesome zombie ass-kicking boots, I rocked Black Friday hardcore, and people are way kinder than I thought they would be!

Thank you nice lady with the store map and kind sir with the flashlight!  May blessings rain down upon you in droves!

Thanks for reading and I hope your shopping trips were equally productive!







The Golden Rule

            If you follow my blog or know me at all, you understand that I’m all about the humor and making people laugh.  However, this past week was one of reflection and not much else.  I’d appreciate it if you take a moment while I share what’s in my heart.


            An Open Letter to President-Elect Donald Trump:

Dear Sir-

I would like to ask you…no…I would like to BEG you to please not destroy this country.  No doubt you’ve been watching TV and seen shock, panic, and protests about the fact that someone who has never held a political office is only days away from becoming the leader of the free world.  You are being handed the keys to the kingdom.  An entire planet’s survival (and the nuke codes) is being placed in your hands.  Do not take this lightly.

Here are my requests, sir.

Please try your best to unite us instead of divide us.  There is a great income disparity where the rich get richer and the poor go hungry.  Please don’t further entitle the wealthy while turning your back on the desperate masses who voted you into power because they were eager for change and are relying on you to provide it.

Please think carefully before you speak and try to make wise decisions.  Think about how people will be affected by your actions.  Don’t take away health care for millions of people unless you have a better plan lined up to replace it.  Don’t do back-door deals to fill your own pockets when they are already plenty full.  Try your best to truly improve the world.  Trust me, your grandchildren will thank you for it.

Please don’t discriminate against immigrants.  Ninety-nine percent of them are here only for a better life.  Unless you’re a Native American Indian, please remember we were ALL immigrants once (including both your wives).

Please don’t discriminate against people with disabilities.  If you see someone in a wheelchair, offer to hold the door open for them.  Don’t mock or bully people for being different than you or I.  They have enough daily struggles without anyone else adding to their burden.  This should be common sense and not something that even needs to be addressed.  Sadly, it does bear repeating.

Please don’t discriminate against the LGBT community.  Decades ago, same-sex couples had to hide their true feelings and now we’ve progressed to the point where they’re finally allowed to marry and be out in the open.  Don’t take their rights away.  How does it really have any effect on your or I if two men or two women want to hold hands in public or be intimate in the privacy of their own home?  If two women make love instead of a woman and a man, I’m sure I feel no ripple effect from that.  Is it “gross” and “immoral?”  No.  It would be “wrong” to deny them the freedom to be who they are and to force them to live a lie their whole lives.

Please don’t discriminate against the African-American community.  They’re people with the same wants and needs as everyone else, they just happen to have been born with a different skin color.  I’m pale and my neighbor gets a beautiful tan in the summer.  That doesn’t make me afraid of her.  How about we change the status quo and start filtering money into the education system where it’s truly needed?  Knock down some inner-city schools and replace them with safe havens where kids can learn.  Let’s teach tolerance of others instead of hate and fear.  For a race of people to go from being slaves that were treated like property and have no rights at all, to becoming president of the United States…well that’s no small feat.  It’s something to be proud of and to never stop fighting for.

Please don’t discriminate against women.  Don’t cut funding for planned parenthood and don’t take away access for abortions.  Please understand that women are your mothers, your sisters, and your daughters.  Would you want that “locker room talk” said about them?  How you would feel if someone thought they had the right to grab someone YOU love by the p*ssy?  I’m pretty sure that would be a different story and completely unacceptable.

All I’m asking, Mr. Trump, is for you to follow the golden rule and do unto others as you would have done to yourself.  Don’t take this presidency lightly.  Show wisdom and restraint.  Check your ego at the door.  You have an amazing opportunity to leave a remarkable legacy.  Please don’t mess it up.

Thank you.


Grace Risata

I’m Grace Risata and I approved this message.