Hello everyone! The blog post today is about my experience as a new gardener and how I’m managing to mess things up!
My husband planted a super fancy raised garden and we’re trying to grow Cucumbers, Zucchini, Carrots, Lettuce, Cantaloupe, and Giant Pumpkins. He can’t do anything like your average person, he had to make the garden all spectacular with cement patio blocks raised up three feet high. I told him that the neighbors are going to think it’s a mausoleum for the dog, but he didn’t care. “Go big or go home,” was his reply. He can do anything he puts his mind to, which is somewhat annoying because I usually mess up the things he makes.
Example? The cucumbers. A few nights ago we were out looking at the garden and I moved a cucumber vine in order to get it to grow in a different direction. Wrong move. I heard a CRACK noise and I immediately froze. My husband looked at me and said, “Did you just break the plant? I heard a crack.” Damn it. Busted. Sure enough, the plant cracked at the base. I hung my head in shame.
So yesterday I googled “how to fix your cucumber plant when you’re a dumbass and break it.” Amazingly enough, google had an answer for this. No surprise there, google has an answer for everything. I love google. Google told me to use electrical tape to fix the cucumber plant. I went outside and did that.
As I was taping the plant, I noticed ANOTHER problem in the garden. However this one was entirely NOT my fault. It appears that a bird or some other creature (Unicorn? Hippogriff? Not entirely sure) decided that it wanted to EAT my baby pumpkin plants. A bite was taken off one of the leaves.
What do you do when the birds are eating your plants? Well, I’ve seen “The Wizard of Oz” numerous times, so I had an answer. You get a SCARECROW. I can’t just pull a scarecrow out of thin air, so I used the next best thing. A scarePIG.
The only problem? My dog was not impressed. I believe her exact thought process was “Oh no you DIDN’T!” She promptly jumped up and took her pig back. Damn dog can’t share. Back to the drawing board.
So I went out and had to purchase the spinner whirly twirly things. They’re shiny, patriotic, and look very pretty in the garden. Hopefully those will keep the birds away and my plants will grow beautifully.
The kicker in all this, is that I prefer foods from the chocolate food group, the cheese food group, the peanut butter food group, and the cereal food group. I’ll probably give most of the vegetables away!
Have a great day and thanks for reading!