My Sqeezy Freezy Failure

              As you may or may not be aware, I’m a garage sale/estate sale-aholic. I love a bargain.  I love finding things that I would not normally see in a store.  Estate sales are much more exciting because it’s usually a life-time worth of possessions that people are getting rid of.  Imagine all the hidden gems sitting in closets and kitchen cabinets just waiting for me to find them.

On occasion, I’ll find a great treasure of the highest magnitude and I can turn around and sell it on Ebay for a sweet profit.  I got a vintage one-piece jumpsuit for a dollar and sold it for fifty bucks.  I read US Weekly and I figured if the Kardashians wear stuff like that, then maybe it’s in fashion and worth a fortune.  Thanks Kourtney, you helped score me a hefty return on that one!  Honestly, those instances are few and far between.  Mostly I buy garbage that I can’t sell and I end up giving it my local thrift store.  But I digress.  I got extremely far off topic.  Today’s topic is the Squeezy Freezy.

At an estate sale a few weeks ago I stumbled upon a Squeeze Freezy, brand new in the box!  In case you’re asking yourself “what the hell is a squeezy freezy?” you would not be alone.  I had never heard of this either.  It is a magical beverage cup that turns any drink of your choosing into a slushie!  I am a slushie/slurpee/icee fanatic and I was beyond excited to find this heavenly item.  Why had no one thought of this before?  Here is the official product description of this amazing “as seen on tv” wonder:


Squeezy Freezy is the quick and easy way for kids and adults to make their favorite slushies without a blender. Simply freeze the Squeezy Freezy polar cup, put the beverage in, and squeeze the cup to turn your drink into a frozen treat! Make slushies instantly with no ice, no blender and no mess with Squeezy Freezy! It turns any drink into a tasty slushy, just freeze and squeeze!”

I’m totally all over this! Even better, it was at the estate sale for the low, low price of a dollar.  And BRAND NEW IN THE UNOPENED BOX!

So I got home and carefully read the directions.  I’m notorious for doing things half-assed and not following instructions.  I was taking no chances with the squeezy freezy.  This could change my life.  I occupied myself for hours by thinking up all the fancy drink combinations I would soon be enjoying.

I read and re-read the directions.  Make sure you wash the cup before use (did that), make sure you freeze the cup AT LEAST SIX HOURS (I froze it for two days because the people who gave reviews on Amazon said this was very important that it be completely frozen), and make sure the beverage that you put in the cup is ALREADY COLD and not room temperature (I used apple-orange-pineapple juice from the fridge as well as coconut syrup from the fridge).  I wanted to add vodka, but I didn’t.  I was afraid that alcohol doesn’t freeze and it might mess up my inaugural squeezy freezy.  Nothing was keeping me from frozen happiness in a cup.  I was hell bent on making this work.

I did as I was directed and let the product sit before squeezing it.  You’re supposed to leave it sit for at least two minutes.  Some people said to wait longer.  I let it sit for six minutes and then squeezed as if my life depended on it.  Nothing happened.  Nothing remotely close to slush.  I let the beverage sit for another six minutes before my second attempt.  Picture a very frustrated person squeezing a cup like a maniac and getting no results.  My normal reaction would be to throw the damn thing across the room and start screaming.  However, this is a liquid beverage and that would NOT have been a wise idea for obvious reasons.

In summary, the squeezy freezy is a waste of money and I would not recommend purchasing this item.  I would recommend having vodka on hand so you can pour it in your apple-orange-pineapple/coconut syrup concoction to calm yourself down when the squeezy freezy yields no results.

As always, thanks for reading and have a great day!


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